Stop Being So Hard on Yourself. Yes, you!!
If there were an Olympic sport for beating ourselves up, most of us would win gold. We talk to ourselves in ways we would never dream of talking to our friends, our partners, or even that person who aggressively cut us off this morning.
Here at Roots and Resilience Therapies, we see it all the time. You come in carrying a heavy load of stress, anxiety, or just the general weight of "not doing enough". And when we suggest being kind to yourself, you roll your eyes and think, "Sure, I'll just add that to my list of things to do between work and the school run."
But what if we told you that You don't need to meditate for an hour a day to find self compassion?
Sometimes, you only need 20 seconds.
Self-Compassion Isn't Selfish, it involves three key ingredients:
1. Self Kindness vs. Self Judgment: Being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate.
2. Common Humanity vs. Isolation: Recognising that suffering and personal failure is part of the shared human experience. You are not the only one messing up, I promise.
3. Mindfulness vs. Over identification: Holding our painful thoughts in balanced awareness rather than blowing them up into a feature length drama in our heads.
Self compassion says: "You are worthy, even when you mess up." And ironically, research shows that people who practise self-compassion are actually more motivated to fix their mistakes than those who just criticise themselves.
So, how do you actually do this?
Close your eyes. Think about something that is bothering you (yes, lean into it, but just for a second). Ask yourself: "How can I be a friend to myself in this moment?"
That's it. You aren't solving the problem; you are just showing up for yourself. It feels a bit silly at first, but it works. It's free, you can do it on the train, and it requires no prescription.
If the "friend hack" feels too weird, you can start with a simple phrase. We often have a harsh inner critic on loop. We need to change the record.
Instead of: "I'm such an idiot, I can't believe I messed that up."
Try: "I made a mistake because I am human. I will learn from this."
Instead of: "I don't have the energy to deal with this, what is wrong with me?"
Try: "I am tired, and that is okay. I can do just the next small thing."
Why Roots and Resilience?
At Roots and Resilience Therapies, we believe that resilience isn't about being "tough" or keeping a stiff upper lip. Resilience is about having deep roots that allow you to bend in the storm without snapping. Self-compassion is the water for those roots.
Learning to treat yourself with a little grace can change everything. It lowers stress, reduces symptoms of anxiety, and even helps you show up better in your relationships.
Your Homework this month:
For the next 24 hours, just notice how you talk to yourself. Notice the tone. Would you speak to a beloved pet or a small child that way? Probably not.
And when you catch that inner critic being a little too loud, think of how you would respond to a loved one or a friend. Give yourself a break.
If you need help learning how to turn down the volume on that critical voice, the team at Roots and Resilience Therapies is here to help. We offer a safe, often humorous, and always non-judgmental space to build the skills you need to thrive.
Contact us today to schedule an appointment or a free consultation.
Your future, kinder self will thank you x
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